“There is hope even when your brain tells you there isn’t.”
– John Green
I left my husband in Ankeny today, and I loathed every second of it. Please don’t get me wrong – the facility is top-notch, and the staff is all dolls… I just don’t like being 2 hours away, and I hope he doesn’t feel like he’s alone.
At first, I didn’t think I could even take him – yes, they had me take him – and I procrastinated….and bawled through my shower and was an hour late picking him up because I couldn’t get it in my head that I was driving, not him. He can’t. He can’t do many things anymore, and I’m praying (begging) to whoever has the power to please let him get some of his life back. Please?
The place is pretty cool… There are 28 people there, and their rooms are huge. Derek’s in the purple hall/wing, which is cool because that was our wedding color, and they have all sorts of therapy: music, pets, water, and the usuals. I had to sign some forms I didn’t like signing, and I didn’t know what to put down… I really wish I had legal advice on some things. Like this power of attorney crap…
His truck financer won’t even talk to me unless I send them the POA paperwork. Do you know how hard that is to get when the person is not yet at “full capacity”? Like, super hard. And super expensive.
Fingers crossed that he comes out on the other side of rehab wheelchair-less because our house…smh…is NOT fit for accessibility in the least. Just thinking about the bathroom worries me so much.
On Friday, he sees the brain doctor to find out when we can get his skull put back in. We’ve made a little joke of his recent…head… shape: I just ask him where the hell he keeps his brain, cuz literally…
His speech is REAL limited, and he still can’t move the right side of his body. But that’s what we’ve gone to Ankeny for: On With Life. It’s nationally known for its excellent program, especially for stroke victims. The average length of stay is 60 days, though, and that is… difficult. The 2-hour drive is horrid, but there is a free family house we can stay in when we visit; it will only be for one night. Dude gets tired extremely easy and has to have these little power naps now. Today, when I left, I tucked him in for a little nap, but by the time I got home, he and the nurse were calling because he was crying and really upset. The nurse said he had just woken up and was kind of missing me a little bit. Ouch. I just told him to take a deep breath and slow down to try to find his words. He kept holding up the phone from his room, showing me on our video call.
I said, “What, the landline? Do you want me to call you on that or something?”
The nurse and I couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say. He kept looking at me like I was a complete moron.
Finally, the nurse said, “Are you in pain?” And Derek said, “AHHH!!! YEAH!!” And put his thumb up and then it clicked…I told him I’d make sure they got his meds to him on time because, without them, his shoulder is extremely painful.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Babe, they’re not going to forget.” But he was showing me the phone so I could call the nurses, I guess to tell them he needed his meds. It’s little things like that where communication is literally anyone’s guess, and Derek, without his gabapentin and tramadol, is not a fun Derek.
The doctors explained that his arm weight pulls his shoulder down, and the socket gets very tender. When the doc told me this, he said, “Now everyone’s pain threshold is different, but this is very common with one-sided paralysis. I’m just not sure why it hurts him so much…” I said, “Let me just stop you right there, doc. Derek’s not, how do we say….well, not the toughest guy in this rodeo, you see?” The doctor said, “Ahh, makes sense.” I mean, he’s not a complete puss but kinda….
I also have to mention: Pre-second stroke, Derek and I were not good. Our marriage was almost over, and he’s had some major parenting faux pas since the first stroke. For whatever it’s worth, I cannot imagine my life without him, no matter what condition he’s in. He’s my best friend, and I sure do miss the way he talked my ear off. Any and all prayers tossed this way never go unnoticed – heck, we see them answered every day in little ways. So, thank you. Yes, you. You know who you are.
xo
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